I always say my mum is the coolest mum. Old school cool. She's not exactly your typical conservative Chinese mum who, you know, forbids her daughter to hang out with boys or to listen to noisy music.

But she does have the typical Chinese mum trait of comparing her daughters to someone else's. Those irritating "Oh, Auntie Lily's daughter scored straight As in her SPM" or "Why can't you be like ah girl next door, she mops the floor everyday without being told to".

Mum generally lets me do as I like (within reasonable grounds, of course). While Dad will go "You're not exactly going out wearing those, are you?", Mum will come to the rescue and retort with something like "Haiya, what do you know about fashion? Still living in the past is it?".

Mum let me buy my first and ever pet, an iguana. And she takes care of him all this time while I'm away. Heck, Mum even let me get my first tattoo done while Dad was furious and asked me to rub it away (as he put it). When I told her about my plan to do volunteering works in Peru after I leave The Sandpit for good, she didn't say much, except for "Take good care of yourself".

I guess she gave up trying to change my mind. She knows how hard it is to change my mind once I have my mind set on something. Sometimes I do wonder, whether I make her proud. Whether she's disappointed in having a daughter who doesn't follow the norm, who always have some bizarre ideas cooking in her head.

But sometimes I have the feeling that I am Mum's favorite (even Siew Li said so). Not that she's showing favoritism, she's always been fair, it's just this feeling I have.

We're raised in an environment where affection is not expressed verbally, but through actions. Maybe that's the reason I have trouble expressing my emotions. I could put feelings into words but ask me to say it out, I just go blank. I still couldn't bring myself to say I love her no matter how I try.

Today is Mother's Day. I couldn't celebrate it with her but I'd like to say this to her (even though she doesn't read my blog).

Happy Mother's Day. I love you.

Next year, I hope I could bring myself to say it face to face to her.